Mistletoe

We hung our Mistletoe last Saturday while decorating the house for Christmas.

It' s been a real hit with the kids. I think I've kissed them more in the last week than I have in the last five years combined.

Piata

I think I have the tallest 4-year-old around. He towers over his classmates and goes head-to-head with most Third graders. I sometimes feel bad for him when he acts his age but still receives the disapproving glances of a passerby because he appears to be seven!

Recently, he has been asking me to "rock him" in his rocking chair before he goes to sleep. This kid barely fits in my lap. I feel like I'm re-enacting the Piata - Mary holding Jesus after he's been taken off the cross. The Boy's legs dangle over the sides of the rocking chair. He insists that I gently place him into his bed. The kid is 60+ pounds...I can barely stand under his weight....let alone squeeze out of the corner and walk (I mean stagger) across the room to place (drop him) into his bed. The first time was not successful, so he demands I try again and do it smoothly enough that he can "stay asleep" while I complete this task.

I remind myself that he will only want me to rock him/read to him/hold him for only a few years more so I try to accommodate him.

Glass is Half Empty

When I dropped The Boy off he was growling. That was my first clue...which I ignored.

When the phone rang only 45 minutes later, I knew I was in trouble.

The preschool director regretted to inform me that "Our staff cannot be treated with this disrespect" First he wouldn't sit down in his class and when he was pulled out and asked what was wrong he kicked the director in the shins...TWICE!

After he came home, I repeatedly took his temperature...hoping that he was running a fever. Checked out his throat....maybe strep....All was wishful thinking. He wasn't sick....just sick of the system...sick of being told what to do...sick of the other kids not being nice to him.

Rarely do I quote President Obama, but dealing with this "is above my pay grade". To be honest, as a mother, I don't even have a pay grade. I have to do this for FREE. Walk into the director's office listen to the list of offenses, take my delinquent home, punish him for his deeds, return him to school the next day only to have the director open my car door during carpool and frostily (is that a word) tell me "we all have bad days". She was nice enough not to add "Your Demon child has bad days, too."

His future flashed before my eyes. He'd never get into private school. The kids at our local public school would lead him further down the path of destruction. His current school would not let him stay another year.

I am exhausted just thinking about motivating this kid for the rest of his life. I am not the cheerleader type. I'm a "suck it up" kind of mother not a "pretend you are not irritating the H E double hockey sticks out of me" kind of mother.

Let's be honest, life is easier for the Glass is Half Full types. How do I create that type of kid or am I stuck with the "I have no friends" mentality for the next 40+ years?

New sitter-I hope...I Pray...

I've booked a new sitter for next week.

I considered my option to fully disclose, but I didn't want to admit to myself let alone someone else that it is likely The Boy will say EVERYTHING that comes to his mind, that my kids may fight until someone bleeds and will likely compete with one another until at least one is in tears.

Instead, I asked how much experience she has....has she watched boys before....is she strong enough to send them each to their respective corners?

I figure I earned something like $2/hour and was responsible for dinner, baths, bedtime and more than once was the recipient of the upchuck of a sick kid. For $10/hour, the new sitter can go head-to-head with a four year old.

She doesn't have to come back. Right!

Running with Scissors...I mean with toddlers!

I see these women running with their kids strapped into the jogging stroller and I think to myself "When is the last time I've seen a Dad pushing his kids in a jogging stroller?"

I mean really, when you really think about it, the Moms you see are disproportionate to the Dads. How many dads really interrupt their workouts to take their kids along?

I see my neighbor regularly running along side the road with her two kids. I'm confident that their combined weight outweighs her. I mean, think of the strength! Not to mention the commitment to fitness and the manhandling that went into getting those kids to stay in there. My oldest never wanted to be in a stroller until she had a younger brother...then all of a sudden she thought she was missing out on something!

This is my plea....Husbands....watch your kids....give the mother of your children a break. There has to be a time for NOT multitasking....let this be the start.

Note: I am not talking to my own husband, since I do not work out-this does not apply to me.

Mommy: My Girlfriend is Having a Baby

Found this old draft in my unfinished posts...


"Mommy, my girlfriend is having a baby". These are words that are not okay with me when you are 4 or when you are 24. Actually, it may be easier to swallow when heard from a 4 year old - since the chance of it becoming a reality is slim.

Every day the boy comes home from preschool with another update:

1. Don't freak out...I've got a girl friend.


2. Don't freak out...I'm getting married.


3. My girlfriend is having a baby.


4. She wants 4 kids and two dogs - you know the dogs are gonna fight.


5. She told me to quit school and get a job.

Sounds like a real slice of life relationship.

Naked Chef

We had a recent visit from the Naked Chef.....

When scared....Pray!

This story just makes me laugh...so I'll share.

My neighbor signed her son up for swim lessons. He is six and was still resisting learning to swim.

She decided to employ a grandmotherly lady with years of experience (read: Old School).

First Day Agenda: Throw child in the water over and over and over again.

After the class was over, the boy wasn't sure he wanted to return to class the next day. His mother responded "Do you remember what you should do when you're scared". Expecting the child to respond "Pray".

He took it one step further and responded, "Yeah, pray for Jesus to throw me a life jacket!"

Vacation: Mini Road Trip-Part 3 Smoky Mountains

Smoky Mountain Park...

The view, the smell of it....the sound of it....Amazing!

I can still remember driving through there as a kid.

Vacation: Mini Road Trip-Part 2 Gatlinburg

Road Trip: Part 2 - Gatlinburg

We left Chattanooga knowing we could have stayed a few more days and still not seen all the fun stuff they had downtown, but the wide open road was calling. I was holding my breath. Part 1 had been a success, but part 2 was still ahead of us. I had planned the majority of the vacation, so I was feeling a bit vulnerable as we embarked on Road Trip part 2.

Off to Gatlinburg....Sieverville to be exact. We were booked to stay at a hotel that had two Waterparks in the hotel- one inside - one outside.

http://www.wildernessatthesmokies.com/

Let me start by saying, we had a fun time. The place was great. The kids had fun. The adults had fun. The service...much better than the last place. The hotel had just been open a few months but things seemed to be running smoothly.

The clientele on the other hand gave us the extra material to make any vacation story even more interesting. Let me elaborate....

Our observations:

• The Concierge - Apparently no one provided the concierge with a job description when hiring for this job. EVERY time we asked a question, each concierge didn't have a single answer...we're not talking one person...every person sitting behind the desk.
• We were the only ones NOT smoking.
• We were the only ones with children who did NOT have Mohawks.
• We do NOT have tattoos ALL over our bodies. (As a result of our visit, The Girl has decided "tattoos are cool")
• We were some of the thinnest people there....and we are NOT thin people!

I don't want to get myself in trouble, but I'm just going to say what needs to be said our First experience and our Last experience...

First, we had to ride the shuttle from our hotel to the other building that has the indoor water park. We board the shuttle with several tattooed passengers and two boys (like little boys) with Mohawks. The dad proceeds to tell the entire shuttle that he refers to this one as "MO" and this one as "HAWK".

Everyone laughs and begins to exchange "Mohawk stories" (I am not kidding several people had stories to contribute) until the radio begins to play "She thinks my Tractor's Sexy". At this time, every other family starts singing along.

As we approach the drop off, we see at least five other kids with Mohawks....Did I miss a memo?

Last...

We are about to leave for the day but decide to tackle the Wave Pool one last time. I'm out in the deep water with The Girl and The Boy and my Hubby are in the shallow end getting pelted with waves.

Nearby, a man, weighing in at about 350 pounds has managed to wedge his body into an inter tube provided for riding the waves. He has it snug around his waist as the waves beat him over and over. Now these waves are not for the faint hearted or those with poor elastic in their swim suits. The gentleman finds he cannot get out of his tube nor can he reach his swim trunks that are being swept around his ankles. The lifeguard just looks over and shakes her head as if to say...that is NOT part of my job description. Thankfully, his wife or girlfriend comes to his rescue...pulling up his shorts and pulling him out of the inter tube. (Is this the part where I should mention meanwhile, his hefty mother is 'beached' and is unable roll over and get up?)

Road Trip Pictures

Babies available at Costco

I had a dream that we were at Costco and I had a baby ready for pick up in the nursery. Like a new baby....like here's your baby don't forget the diapers to go with it.

We were desperately searching Costco for a car seat because we had to take the baby home and we couldn't take it home without a car seat. I thought I had a car seat at home or I could find someone with one since every one I know is giving all that stuff away and here I am starting over! (Probably just Costco's way of keeping their impulse buy numbers up)

Weird!

Out of the Mouth of Babes....Or 4 year olds

We had a new babysitter last week. A sweet, shy 14 year old.

While we were gone, The Boy told her "You have big boobs".

"After that, she was pretty quiet" said The Girl.

Are you kidding me? Is this really my life?

Vacation: Mini Road Trip-Part 1 Chattanooga

We are planning to take a Road Trip next summer. Maybe it's my attempt to recreate my childhood....we didn't fly from Michigan to Florida for summer vacations...we drove. (more on that in another post)

To see if our crew is ready for a multi-location vacation, we went to Tennessee for our family vacation. Two days in Chattanooga and Three days in Gatlinburg.

Chattanooga was a ton of fun. We have never done the Lookout Mountain/Incline Railroad/See Rock City/Ruby Falls tour so that was our main stop. The afternoon we arrived, we toured the Children's Museum. So fun..it always amazes me...these cities, so much smaller than Atlanta with much better Children's museums. My favorite part was the free part (of course) a platform in front of the building where you can (attempt) to stand inside of a giant bubble.

We spent the second day at the Incline Railway, Ruby Falls and Rock City. It was really worth the trip. We could have spent another few days in Chattanooga and still not seen everything on our list.

The hotel was a bit disappointing. The place was clean and convenient, but the service wasn't great. I shouldn't have been surprised considering when (1) I asked about the weather, I got a blank stare from the front desk personnel or (2) when they charged us 50 cents per call to room service or (3) when Housekeeping didn't clean up my coffee stirrer that I left on a half used package of Sweet-Low. Yes, I could have put it in the trash myself...but we are playing $175/night...I don't have to clean up after myself if I don't want to.

The Girl just kept saying "The service just isn't that good". Okay, she's 8...what is her basis for this observation? Surely my housekeeping isn't the baseline...comparatively everything else is immaculate.

My kids are used to nice places...yes we've created two monsters. For example:

• When The Girl was 4, we visited a hotel. When we entered the room, she plopped herself in the middle of the king-sized bed and asked, "Where are the servants?"
• Two years ago on vacation in Chicago my daughter said "This is so exciting! This will be the first time [the boy] is having room service. " He was was two at the time...apparently he had lived a deprived life up until that point.

Next stop, Gatlinburg:

Chuck E. Cheese

I have a confession....I secretly love Chuck E. Cheese. No not a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party or a weekend field trip, but a weekday outing. The one by us is just the right size. If I can score a booth right in the middle, I can see the WHOLE place. I get about a million tokens and divide them into three cups. My kids each get one. They head out with their cups, like Senior Citizens in a room of slot machines. They return to me when they are out of tokens and I replenish their supply and collect their tickets.

In the meantime, since I am able to tune out the noise, I can read uninterrupted for quite a while. I glance up occasionally and get a visual and then back to my book.

It's guaranteed uninterrupted time! Except when Chuck E. Cheese make his entrance. The Boy is afraid of the big mouse. We have to ask when we arrive, when Chuck E. is expected When he enters the restaurant, the Boy hides under the table.

Speaking of Chuck E. Cheese. I LOVE watching the staff and wondering WHO will tasked with this job. Last time, I watched this one employee. He is always so busy. So determined to do his job. Polite to the kids, but under appreciated by the clientèle. They come to him with all their complaints...the tickets are out...I lost my token...the machine is broken...He dutifully makes things right while the kids take their due and continue on in the chaos.

Then 15 minutes later....Chuck E. arrives on the scene (as the previously noted employee is noticeably missing). He bounds out...the star of the show. The kids run to him....giving him High-5s and hugs. For a moment, this guy is the star...everyone wants to be around him Everyone has been waiting to see him. Everyone is disappointed to see him go.

Moments later, Chuck E.Cheese is gone. The dutiful employee re-enters....to a back log of requests. I wonder what is going on in his mind?

Quiet House

We are going to Highlands for July 4th. Since we needed to take two cars, my Hubby took the kids a day early, so I could get things done around here.

This would all be fine and dandy, if it wasn't so QUIET in here. I think I've been reprogrammed to only be productive under the following conditions:

1. Limited Time: I can't finish anything unless under the extreme time constraints.
2. I need to be interrupted every two minutes to break up a fight.
3. Noise: I must tune out something or someone at all times.

I'm sorry to report, my child-induced ADD still exists when my kids are not at home...this fact is a bit disturbing.

Sunflowers

Oh Look...A Pocket.

The Girl was helping me fold laundry.

She began to fold her Dad's underwear when she exclaimed, "Oh Look, a Pocket".

You can imagine her surprise when I told her "That's not a Pocket".

A New Decade

I didn't think it would bother me....another birthday....but for some reason it was harder this year. I kept telling myself I'm only one day older than yesterday.

You look at your life and wonder, Is this where I thought I'd be at 40? I don't know if the answer is Yes or No. So many ways, I thought I'd be somewhere else...(career woman) yet here I am with so much more than I ever thought possible. My family is the world to me. My kids...I never knew I could love them so much or find such joy (not to mention craziness) with them.

All in all, I wouldn't trade the life I'm living for anything.

Silence...Holding my Breath.

I feel like I've been holding my breath the last few months. It seems tragedy is lurking around every corner. Of course, I know it isn't true, but it seems that way sometimes. So many friends brushing with loss....loss of a child...loss of health....loss of jobs....

It doesn't surprise me that my Faith is rattled. It has become a last priority for me...not consciously...just forgotten. Thankfully, those who have been so affected are looking foward not hiding from reality.

I need to find my way, so when the time comes, I am ready to give an account for the hope that is in me.

Dodge Ball...

Dodge Ball...30+ years of torturing kids.

The Girl came home from school yesterday and announced the class played a game of Dodge Ball.  I tried to maintain my poker face while listening to her tale.

I can still remember the crazed look in the eyes of my male classmates as they whipped the ball at the girls and the weaklings.  That ball hurt like H*** when it slammed into you-leaving a red welt the size of Toledo.  

To be honest, I never really understood the value of the game.  What exactly is it teaching us?  It's not like, you're going to be 40 and watching a stellar match on TV one Saturday afternoon.  The only skill it could possibly offer...is compassion for your own child when they come home and tell you they were forced to play. 

I think it may be the "go to" game for PE teachers...sick of the whining kids and frustrated that Summer vacation is still many months away.

I admit, if I wasn't so traumatized by Dodge ball, and if I had five or six kids,  I may try it out as a discipline strategy for my family.  Sit back with a cocktail and watch how "Survival of the Fittest" plays out in the day to day. 

Thankfully, motherhood hasn't jaded me to that point...yet. 

Back to the girl, yes she got hurt, some boy threw the ball and hit her in the eye.  Did she tell the teacher...NO.  Did she cry...NO.  Did she curl up in the fetal position...NO.  

She just kept on playing.  Impressive!  

Career Update

After seeing a Braves game last week...

The Boy:

• A Baseball Player...a "really, really good one"
• A person who picks up trash on the beach...thanks Nick Jr (big green planet)

The Girl:

• Not happy that there are no "girl" professional baseball players 

Spring Break - Take 2

My son is on Spring Break this week.  My daughter had hers mid-March.  I'm all for spending time with my kids, but TWO spring breaks. 

I thought I could put him in this Art Camp he's been asking about but he didn't want anything to do with it.  I asked him how many days he wanted to go-one or two.  He held up two fists and said "How many is this?"  I answered, "Zero".  He responded, "That's how many days I want to go." Thinking I misunderstood, I asked him again, "How about this many?" (Holding up two fingers.) He responded by holding up his two fists again and saying "How about this Many?"  

I knew it was going to be a long week.

I had good intentions to "bond" with the Boy.  Do some fun stuff just the two of us.   We started out strong by spending an entire day at the Children's Museum.  It's interesting watching the younger child on their own.  Without the shadow of an older sibling.   He was very unsure and standoff-ish.  Even said he was ready to go after about an hour.  I fed him lunch and asked him to try a few more things.  Our trip then turned into a FIVE hour trip.

Since then, we've had a soccer game, a dentist appointment, a grocery store trip, a trip to the library.  Not very much fun.  Weather hasn't cooperated either.  This week we have had the pleasure of enjoying a pollen count of abouy ONE MILLION, two days of SNOW, Two 75 degree days and thunderstorms anticipated for tomorrow. 

I don't think he's cared one way or another, especially since he's such a home body.  But, I wasn't feeling like Mother of the Year.  

Third time's a Charm

My theory on life:  

If you get it done in before the THIRD time, consider it a success.

It's time

It's time to get some exercise.  It's not about being fat (I prefer the term "pleasantly plump") or about quickly approaching 40 or about being tired all the time...okay maybe it's a little about those things but only about 25%.

It's about the time itself.    When do I have any time to myself?  All my time is lived between the hours of x and y.  I have accomplish this task before I take this kid here or pick that one up there.  All the while pushing myself to the back burner.

A Saturday or so ago the kids had a late soccer game and my hubby was up early so I decided to go out for a walk.  The city has installed a 6-foot wide sidewalk down our main road.  I took 30+ minutes to walk/run and it was empowering.  The weather was beautiful.  The trees were just beginning to bud and I took the time to look at a branch with the tender, new life just spouting.  The birds were chirping...very loudly and I took my headset off and actually listened to them sing.  It was enough to awaken something in me.  A few minutes carved out for me before re-entering the chaos I call home.  

2009 Word of the Year: Revelation

"Revelation"

(Third Day)

My life has led me down the road that's so uncertain
Now I am left alone and I am broken
Trying to find my way
Trying to find the faith that's gone

This time I know that you are holding all the answers
I'm tired of losing hope and taking chances
On roads that never seem
To be the ones that bring me home

Give me a revelation
Show me what to do
'Cause I've been trying to find my way
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without you
I've got nothing without you

My life has led me down this path that's ever winding
Through every twist and turn, I'm always finding
That I am lost again
Tell me when this road will ever end

I don't know where I can turn
Tell me, when will I learn
Won't you show me where I need to go
Let me follow your lead
I know that it's the only way that I can get back home

2008: Word of the Year: Restoration

Rain Rain Go Away

After four straight days of rain, times got desperate.  I was really looking forward to a day of soccer games, especially since my hubby would be out of town again.  The kids were about to devour one another if we were in the house together one more hour.  Then the news,  ALL SOCCER GAMES-CANCELLED.  The fields were under water.  

I had to regroup and find an indoor activity suitable for 7 and 4 year olds.  Jumpy place...too mind numbing.  Watch more TV...didn't want to undo all the good of the school week by turning child's brain to mush.  Children's Museum..."too babyish".  Restaurant....what would we do the other 23 1/2 hours of the day?  Library...are you kidding me...Did I mention we've already been couped up inside for FOUR Days.  

We decided on the new Science Museum.  http://www.tellusmuseum.org/  I knew the hubby wanted to go, but he'd have to understand.   If he wanted his family in tact when he returned, he'd understand.  (We did save the Planetarium for our next visit...you weren't forgotten.)

We put in a DVD for the 45+ minute ride (save your judgement-all you perfect mothers!).  I had a nice uninterrupted conversation with my Grandmother while en route.   

Tellus was a HIT!

We are fans of museums.  We're not too picky, but it does have to  have some substance and a little awe factor...not too much reading and lots of space.  This was perfect.  The dinosaurs were incredible to see.  The Gem mining and Fossil digs were big hits.  The Mineral Gallery was fun. (Do you know the difference between a mineral and a rock?)  They had a cool periodic table display...had they used that for eighth grade science, things may have held more meaning. 

Only complaint (this is purely selfish on my part):  Do we need to provide quite so much info?

I'm noticing...I've worried about my daughter's reading for a while now.  Always wondering if she's reading enough or at the right level.  Well, she is reading now...reading EVERYTHING...every sign, every newspaper, every receipt.  

This complicates the world for a parent.  I wasn't really up for a conversation on how the first Apollo crew was trapped inside a burning capsule unable to get out.  I wasn't ready to discuss the poor family who met their demise in the ValuJet plane crash in the Everglades, but since she reads now....I must be on my guard for the big things and the small.   Ready to explain trauma and ready to reassure her about her own safety.  Ready to stand firm when I order her a "small" shake at the drive thru window even though she has quickly scanned the board to find that there are OTHER sizes. 

Blog update

It's been a long, long time.   

I find I'm constantly updating this blog... in my mind.  Narrating my life  as part of my internal dialog.  For some reason, it doesn't make it to the page.  Some days, time constraints.  Other days, fear of audience response.  Still others,  my own fear to actually write my true feelings and put them out there for the world to see. 

The Lanyard

A poem I saved several years ago...

The Lanyard

The other day as I was ricocheting slowly off the pale blue walls of this room, bouncing from typewriter to piano, from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor, I found myself in the L section of the dictionary where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.

No cookie nibbled by a French novelist could send one more suddenly into the past -- a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp by a deep Adirondack lake learning how to braid thin plastic strips into a lanyard, a gift for my mother. I had never seen anyone use a lanyard or wear one, if that’s what you did with them, but that did not keep me from crossing strand over strand again and again until I had made a boxy red and white lanyard for my mother.

She gave me life and milk from her breasts, and I gave her a lanyard. She nursed me in many a sickroom, lifted teaspoons of medicine to my lips, set cold face-cloths on my forehead, and then led me out into the airy light and taught me to walk and swim, and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard. Here are thousands of meals, she said, and here is clothing and a good education. And here is your lanyard, I replied, which I made with a little help from a counselor. 

Here is a breathing body and a beating heart, strong legs, bones and teeth, and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered, and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp. And here, I wish to say to her now, is a smaller gift--not the archaic truth that you can never repay your mother, but the rueful admission that when she took the two-tone lanyard from my hands, I was as sure as a boy could be that this useless, worthless thing I wove out of boredom would be enough to make us even.

--Billy Collins

Jesus...Help Me!

The Boy couldn't go to sleep..

He stretched out his arms and cried, "Jeeesus Help Me".

On Tuesday night he told me, "When I grow up, I want to be Jesus and drive a Clown Car...in the sky".

To quote The Girl, "What-ta What-ta????"

Great Quote

One of my favorite parenting responses...taken from ROZ from Monsters, Inc.

"Your stunned silence if Veeerrry Reassuring."

Remember this classic Ebay post?

This still makes me laugh!!!!!

I’m selling a bunch of Pokemon cards. Why? Because my kids sneaked them into my shopping cart while at the grocery store and I ended up buying them because I didn’t notice they were there until we got home. How could I have possibly not noticed they were in my cart, you ask? Let me explain.

You haven’t lived until you’ve gone grocery shopping with six kids in tow. I would rather swim, covered in bait, through the English Channel, be a contestant on Fear Factor when they’re having pig brains for lunch, or do fourth grade math than to take my six kids to the grocery store. Because I absolutely detest grocery shopping, I tend to put it off as long as possible. There comes a time, however, when you’re peering into your fridge and thinking, ‘Hmmm, what can I make with ketchup, Italian dressing, and half an onion,’ that you decide you cannot avoid going to the grocery store any longer. Before beginning this most treacherous mission, I gather all the kids together and give them “The Lecture“.

“The Lecture“ goes like this…

MOM: “We have to go to the grocery store.”

KIDS: “Whine whine whine whine whine.“

MOM: “Hey, I don’t want to go either, but it’s either that or we’re eating cream of onion-ketchup soup and drinking Italian dressing for dinner tonight.”

KIDS: “Whine whine whine whine whine.“

MOM: “Now here are the rules: do not ask me for anything, do not poke the packages of meat in the butcher section, do not test the laws of physics and try to take out the bottom can in the pyramid shaped display, do not play baseball with oranges in the produce section, and most importantly, do not try to leave your brother at the store. Again.”

OK, the kids have been briefed. Time to go.

Once at the store, we grab not one, but two shopping carts. I wear the baby in a sling and the two little children sit in the carts while I push one cart and my oldest son pushes the other one. My oldest daughter is not allowed to push a cart. Ever. Why? Because the last time I let her push the cart, she smashed into my ankles so many times, my feet had to be amputated by the end of our shopping trip. This is not a good thing. You try running after a toddler with no feet sometime.

At this point, a woman looks at our two carts and asks me, “Are they all yours?” I answer good naturedly, “Yep!

“Oh my, you have your hands full.”

“Yes, I do, but it‘s fun!” I say smiling. I’ve heard all this before. In fact, I hear it every time I go anywhere with my brood.

We begin in the produce section where all these wonderfully, artistically arranged pyramids of fruit stand. There is something so irresistibly appealing about the apple on the bottom of the pile, that a child cannot help but try to touch it. Much like a bug to a zapper, the child is drawn to this piece of fruit. I turn around to the sounds of apples cascading down the display and onto the floor. Like Indiana Jones, there stands my son holding the all-consuming treasure that he just HAD to get and gazing at me with this dumbfounded look as if to say, “Did you see that??? Wow! I never thought that would happen!”

I give the offending child an exasperated sigh and say, “Didn’t I tell you, before we left, that I didn’t want you taking stuff from the bottom of the pile???”

“No. You said that you didn’t want us to take a can from the bottom of the pile. You didn’t say anything about apples.”

With superhuman effort, I resist the urge to send my child to the moon and instead focus on the positive - my child actually listened to me and remembered what I said!!! I make a mental note to be a little more specific the next time I give the kids The Grocery Store Lecture.

A little old man looks at all of us and says, “Are all of those your kids?”

Thinking about the apple incident, I reply, “Nope. They just started following me. I’ve never seen them before in my life.”

OK, now onto the bakery section where everything smells so good, I’m tempted to fill my cart with cookies and call it a day. Being on a perpetual diet, I try to hurry past the assortment of pies, cakes, breads, and pastries that have my children drooling. At this point the chorus of “Can we gets” begins.

“Can we get donuts?”

“No.”

“Can we get cupcakes?”

“No.”

“Can we get muffins?”

“No.”

“Can we get pie?”

“No.”

You’d think they’d catch on by this point, but no, they’re just getting started.

In the bakery, they’re giving away free samples of coffee cake and of course, my kids all take one. The toddler decides he doesn’t like it and proceeds to spit it out in my hand. (That’s what moms do. We put our hands in front of our children’s mouths so they can spit stuff into them. We’d rather carry around a handful of chewed up coffee cake, than to have the child spit it out onto the floor. I’m not sure why this is, but ask any mom and she’ll tell you the same.) Of course, there’s no garbage can around, so I continue shopping one-handed while searching for someplace to dispose of the regurgitated mess in my hand.

In the meat department, a mother with one small baby asks me, “Wow! Are all six yours?”

I answer her, “Yes, but I’m thinking of selling a couple of them.”

(Still searching for a garbage can at this point.)

Ok, after the meat department, my kids’ attention spans are spent. They’re done shopping at this point, but we aren’t even halfway through the store. This is about the time they like to start having shopping cart races. And who may I thank for teaching them this fun pastime? My seventh “child”, also known as my husband. While I’m picking out loaves of bread, the kids are running down the aisle behind the carts in an effort to get us kicked out of the store. I put to stop to that just as my son is about to crash head on into a giant cardboard cut-out of a Keebler elf stacked with packages of cookies.

Ah! Yes! I find a small trash can by the coffee machine in the cereal aisle and finally dump out the squishy contents of my hand. After standing in the cereal aisle for an hour and a half while the kids perused the various cereals, comparing the marshmallow and cheap, plastic toy content of each box, I broke down and let them each pick out a box. At any given time, we have twenty open boxes of cereal in my house.

As this is going on, my toddler is playing Houdini and maneuvering his little body out of the seat belt in an attempt to stand up in the cart. I’m amazed the kid made it to his second birthday without suffering a brain damaging head injury. In between trying to flip himself out of the cart, he sucks on the metal bars of the shopping cart. Mmmm, can you say “influenza”?

The shopping trip continues much like this. I break up fights between the kids now and then and stoop down to pick up items that the toddler has flung out of the cart. I desperately try to get everything on my list without adding too many other goodies to the carts.

Somehow I manage to complete my shopping in under four hours and head for the check-outs where my kids start in on a chorus of, “Can we have candy?” What evil minded person decided it would be a good idea to put a display of candy in the check-out lanes, right at a child’s eye level? Obviously someone who has never been shopping with children.

As I unload the carts, I notice many extra items that my kids have sneaked in the carts unbeknownst to me. I remove a box of Twinkies, a package of cupcakes, a bag of candy, and a can of cat food (we don’t even have a cat!). I somehow missed the box of Pokemon cards however and ended up purchasing them unbeknownst to me. As I pay for my purchases, the clerk looks at me, indicates my kids, and asks, “Are they all yours?”

Frustrated, exhausted from my trip, sick to my stomach from writing out a check for $289.53, dreading unloading all the groceries and putting them away and tired of hearing that question, I look at the clerk and answer her in my most sarcastic voice, “No. They’re not mine. I just go around the neighborhood gathering up kids to take to the grocery store because it’s so much more fun that way.”

So, up for auction is an opened (they ripped open the box on the way home from the store) package of Pokemon cards. There are 44 cards total. They’re in perfect condition, as I took them away from the kiddos as soon as we got home from the store. Many of them say “Energy”. I tried carrying them around with me, but they didn’t work. I definitely didn’t have any more energy than usual. One of them is shiny. There are a few creature-like things on many of them. One is called Pupitar. Hee hee hee Pupitar! (Oh no! My kids’ sense of humor is rubbing off on me!) Anyway, I don’t there’s anything special about any of these cards, but I’m very much not an authority on Pokemon cards. I just know that I’m not letting my kids keep these as a reward for their sneakiness.

Shipping is FREE on this item. Insurance is optional, but once I drop the package at the post office, it is no longer my responsibility. For example, if my son decides to pour a bottle of glue into the envelope, or my daughter spills a glass of juice on the package, that’s my responsibility and I will fully refund your money. If, however, I take the envelope to the post office and a disgruntled mail carrier sets fire to it, a pack of wild dogs rip into it, or a mail sorting machine shreds it, it’s out of my hands, so you may want to add insurance. I will leave feedback for you as soon as I’ve received your payment. I will be happy to combine shipping on multiple items won within three days. This comes from a smoke-free, pet-free, child-filled home. Please ask me any questions before placing your bid. Happy bidding! :)

On Aug-17-07 at 14:10:11 PDT, seller added the following information:

Check out my other items!

On Aug-21-07 at 13:37:48 PDT, seller added the following information:

14,000 hits!!! Who would’ve thought? I just wanted to take a minute and say “thank you” to all the people who have taken the time to write me a comment! I certainly appreciate it! It sure is a nice treat waking up to a full box of compliments! I’m trying to answer each comment, but they’re honestly coming in faster than I can type!

Many of you have asked if I have a blog. I do. It’s mom2my6pack.blogspot.com

Many of you have suggested I write a book. I think I may just have to give that a try. If it ever comes to fruition, I’ll post about it on my blog.

And $40.00??? What are you guys nuts? There’s nothing special about these cards. Are you bidding on them thinking I’ll be a famous author someday? :::laughing like a crazy lady over that one::: I’ll give writing a shot, but from what I hear it isn’t easy to get a book published. I probably have a better chance of losing ten pounds (and that ain’t likely to happen!)

Anyway, again I want to say thank you for reading and passing this on. You’ve all just made my week! :)

On Aug-21-07 at 14:07:29 PDT, seller added the following information:

Oh yes - I forgot (big surprise there!) to say that apparently I can only post 101 comments. There are a lot of witty, interesting comments I’d like to put out there for everyone to read, but Ebay won’t let me. :(

On Aug-21-07 at 23:03:41 PDT, seller added the following information:

I’ve had several people ask me how many watchers this auction has. As of 1:00am, it has 865.

7 1/2....I like 7 1/2

I have to say 7 1/2 is a fun age.  I remember it as fun when I was a girl, but I'm really enjoying my girl.  

She has this sense of humor emerging that I really enjoy.  The knowing glance when she finds something funny, but doesn't want to openly criticize.  Her observation of people around her and the commentary on it. 

Yesterday she walked around like Shaggy on Scooby Do.  You know the walk...the slumped shoulders and the swinging arms.

So funny!

Career Update

I am going to begin chronicling the constant list of jobs that the kids are planning to do when they "grow up".  I admire The Girl's commitment.  I think she's up to about three in her lifetime.  The Boy, on the other hand,  can have three a day. 

The Girl:  

1. Swim teacher-from age 3-7  
2. Geologist-Age 7  
   
3. Current:  Someone who works at the Car wash  

The Boy: 

I may add another post for the ongoing list for him.  Here's our most recent story that cracked me up (and scared me-all at the same time).

I take him into his room the other night and he grabs his clip-on tie and says "I'm going to wear this tomorrow.  I want to be a 'fessional tomorrow"  What four year old knows the work "professional"???

He then clips the tie onto his pjs and begins to dance.  Oh does he dance....twirls and leaps...then he announces his new career aspiration.  "I'm going to be a Fessional Dancer".  

Yikes!

Did I wake you?

The Basketball coach called at 8am.  He hoped he didn't wake me.

I laughed.  

When is the last time I slept past 7:30?

Inspiration Award

The Girl received the Inspiration Award at school this month.  

Inspiration Award: Having a cheerful, loving and joyful Spirit which brings sunshine to our classroom. 

It was fun to see her get this award....she inspires our home, so it doesn't surprise me that she brings the same to her classroom.  

Bowling Pix

Here are some pictures of my kids bowling on the Boy's actual birthday.

Bowling for Presents

The Boy had his first birthday party...the Bowling Party.  It was fun and chaotic and all worth it to look at his face when his friends surrounded him to sing Happy Birthday.  

Should I hide the fact that I forgot the candle and matches?  (Thanks P.R. for borrowing them from the party in the next lane).

Wisdom of Christopher Robin

"You are Braver than you believe.  You are Stronger than you Seem.  You are Smarter than you Think."

New E drive

We have a new E drive and I can't get any of my pictures to post.  Once I figure it out, I'll post several new ones. 

Roomba...does life get better than this?

I got the Roomba for Christmas.  Let me just ask "Where have you been all my life?"

http://store.irobot.com/category/index.jsp?categoryId=3334619&cp=2804605

Christmas Vacation

We stayed in town for the Christmas Holiday.  Santa was good to the kids.  Lots and Lots of presents....the highlights included a Wii, a Rip Stick, a Big Wheel and lots of Legos.  All in all, everyone was happy, even the adults. 

My parents and sister came over for dinner and we had a low key afternoon visiting.  

For the break, we kept busy.  On the agenda was:

• The Center for the Puppetry Arts  http://www.puppet.org/
• A trip to the Movies
• Shopping and Hanging out with friends
• The First Emperor exhibit at the High Museum of Art  https://www.high.org/

Both me and the Hubby wanted to see the Chinese Terracotta Warriors at the High.  We took the kids not knowing how long they could "hang".  We were shocked to spend several hours browsing the museum.  The exhibit was fascinating!  The terracotta warriors were over six feet tall and every one was different!  Both the kids listened to the audio tour in it's entirety and want to go back again.  It was the first time, in a long time, I felt like we may be moving past the "baby" stage with the kids. 

Ah...my Holiday season has ended.

I feel like I can exhale! 

It is the end of our Holiday season.  Not only do we celebrate Christmas and the New Year but we celebrate the Boy's bday at the beginning of January.   In the past we haven't done a party...not so much because he hasn't wanted one, but because it's the last thing I wanted to do.

This year he made it clear that he wanted a party.  Thankfully, I was able to book a Bowling party on short notice.  Many of our neighbors were able to attend so we had lots of kids at the Cosmic Bowling party.  It was so much fun, although we needed to have Happy Hour for the adults afterward to unwind from the over stimulation.