Mommy: My Girlfriend is Having a Baby

Found this old draft in my unfinished posts...


"Mommy, my girlfriend is having a baby". These are words that are not okay with me when you are 4 or when you are 24. Actually, it may be easier to swallow when heard from a 4 year old - since the chance of it becoming a reality is slim.

Every day the boy comes home from preschool with another update:

1. Don't freak out...I've got a girl friend.


2. Don't freak out...I'm getting married.


3. My girlfriend is having a baby.


4. She wants 4 kids and two dogs - you know the dogs are gonna fight.


5. She told me to quit school and get a job.

Sounds like a real slice of life relationship.

Naked Chef

We had a recent visit from the Naked Chef.....

When scared....Pray!

This story just makes me laugh...so I'll share.

My neighbor signed her son up for swim lessons. He is six and was still resisting learning to swim.

She decided to employ a grandmotherly lady with years of experience (read: Old School).

First Day Agenda: Throw child in the water over and over and over again.

After the class was over, the boy wasn't sure he wanted to return to class the next day. His mother responded "Do you remember what you should do when you're scared". Expecting the child to respond "Pray".

He took it one step further and responded, "Yeah, pray for Jesus to throw me a life jacket!"

Vacation: Mini Road Trip-Part 3 Smoky Mountains

Smoky Mountain Park...

The view, the smell of it....the sound of it....Amazing!

I can still remember driving through there as a kid.

Vacation: Mini Road Trip-Part 2 Gatlinburg

Road Trip: Part 2 - Gatlinburg

We left Chattanooga knowing we could have stayed a few more days and still not seen all the fun stuff they had downtown, but the wide open road was calling. I was holding my breath. Part 1 had been a success, but part 2 was still ahead of us. I had planned the majority of the vacation, so I was feeling a bit vulnerable as we embarked on Road Trip part 2.

Off to Gatlinburg....Sieverville to be exact. We were booked to stay at a hotel that had two Waterparks in the hotel- one inside - one outside.

http://www.wildernessatthesmokies.com/

Let me start by saying, we had a fun time. The place was great. The kids had fun. The adults had fun. The service...much better than the last place. The hotel had just been open a few months but things seemed to be running smoothly.

The clientele on the other hand gave us the extra material to make any vacation story even more interesting. Let me elaborate....

Our observations:

• The Concierge - Apparently no one provided the concierge with a job description when hiring for this job. EVERY time we asked a question, each concierge didn't have a single answer...we're not talking one person...every person sitting behind the desk.
• We were the only ones NOT smoking.
• We were the only ones with children who did NOT have Mohawks.
• We do NOT have tattoos ALL over our bodies. (As a result of our visit, The Girl has decided "tattoos are cool")
• We were some of the thinnest people there....and we are NOT thin people!

I don't want to get myself in trouble, but I'm just going to say what needs to be said our First experience and our Last experience...

First, we had to ride the shuttle from our hotel to the other building that has the indoor water park. We board the shuttle with several tattooed passengers and two boys (like little boys) with Mohawks. The dad proceeds to tell the entire shuttle that he refers to this one as "MO" and this one as "HAWK".

Everyone laughs and begins to exchange "Mohawk stories" (I am not kidding several people had stories to contribute) until the radio begins to play "She thinks my Tractor's Sexy". At this time, every other family starts singing along.

As we approach the drop off, we see at least five other kids with Mohawks....Did I miss a memo?

Last...

We are about to leave for the day but decide to tackle the Wave Pool one last time. I'm out in the deep water with The Girl and The Boy and my Hubby are in the shallow end getting pelted with waves.

Nearby, a man, weighing in at about 350 pounds has managed to wedge his body into an inter tube provided for riding the waves. He has it snug around his waist as the waves beat him over and over. Now these waves are not for the faint hearted or those with poor elastic in their swim suits. The gentleman finds he cannot get out of his tube nor can he reach his swim trunks that are being swept around his ankles. The lifeguard just looks over and shakes her head as if to say...that is NOT part of my job description. Thankfully, his wife or girlfriend comes to his rescue...pulling up his shorts and pulling him out of the inter tube. (Is this the part where I should mention meanwhile, his hefty mother is 'beached' and is unable roll over and get up?)

Road Trip Pictures

Babies available at Costco

I had a dream that we were at Costco and I had a baby ready for pick up in the nursery. Like a new baby....like here's your baby don't forget the diapers to go with it.

We were desperately searching Costco for a car seat because we had to take the baby home and we couldn't take it home without a car seat. I thought I had a car seat at home or I could find someone with one since every one I know is giving all that stuff away and here I am starting over! (Probably just Costco's way of keeping their impulse buy numbers up)

Weird!

Out of the Mouth of Babes....Or 4 year olds

We had a new babysitter last week. A sweet, shy 14 year old.

While we were gone, The Boy told her "You have big boobs".

"After that, she was pretty quiet" said The Girl.

Are you kidding me? Is this really my life?

Vacation: Mini Road Trip-Part 1 Chattanooga

We are planning to take a Road Trip next summer. Maybe it's my attempt to recreate my childhood....we didn't fly from Michigan to Florida for summer vacations...we drove. (more on that in another post)

To see if our crew is ready for a multi-location vacation, we went to Tennessee for our family vacation. Two days in Chattanooga and Three days in Gatlinburg.

Chattanooga was a ton of fun. We have never done the Lookout Mountain/Incline Railroad/See Rock City/Ruby Falls tour so that was our main stop. The afternoon we arrived, we toured the Children's Museum. So fun..it always amazes me...these cities, so much smaller than Atlanta with much better Children's museums. My favorite part was the free part (of course) a platform in front of the building where you can (attempt) to stand inside of a giant bubble.

We spent the second day at the Incline Railway, Ruby Falls and Rock City. It was really worth the trip. We could have spent another few days in Chattanooga and still not seen everything on our list.

The hotel was a bit disappointing. The place was clean and convenient, but the service wasn't great. I shouldn't have been surprised considering when (1) I asked about the weather, I got a blank stare from the front desk personnel or (2) when they charged us 50 cents per call to room service or (3) when Housekeeping didn't clean up my coffee stirrer that I left on a half used package of Sweet-Low. Yes, I could have put it in the trash myself...but we are playing $175/night...I don't have to clean up after myself if I don't want to.

The Girl just kept saying "The service just isn't that good". Okay, she's 8...what is her basis for this observation? Surely my housekeeping isn't the baseline...comparatively everything else is immaculate.

My kids are used to nice places...yes we've created two monsters. For example:

• When The Girl was 4, we visited a hotel. When we entered the room, she plopped herself in the middle of the king-sized bed and asked, "Where are the servants?"
• Two years ago on vacation in Chicago my daughter said "This is so exciting! This will be the first time [the boy] is having room service. " He was was two at the time...apparently he had lived a deprived life up until that point.

Next stop, Gatlinburg:

Chuck E. Cheese

I have a confession....I secretly love Chuck E. Cheese. No not a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party or a weekend field trip, but a weekday outing. The one by us is just the right size. If I can score a booth right in the middle, I can see the WHOLE place. I get about a million tokens and divide them into three cups. My kids each get one. They head out with their cups, like Senior Citizens in a room of slot machines. They return to me when they are out of tokens and I replenish their supply and collect their tickets.

In the meantime, since I am able to tune out the noise, I can read uninterrupted for quite a while. I glance up occasionally and get a visual and then back to my book.

It's guaranteed uninterrupted time! Except when Chuck E. Cheese make his entrance. The Boy is afraid of the big mouse. We have to ask when we arrive, when Chuck E. is expected When he enters the restaurant, the Boy hides under the table.

Speaking of Chuck E. Cheese. I LOVE watching the staff and wondering WHO will tasked with this job. Last time, I watched this one employee. He is always so busy. So determined to do his job. Polite to the kids, but under appreciated by the clientèle. They come to him with all their complaints...the tickets are out...I lost my token...the machine is broken...He dutifully makes things right while the kids take their due and continue on in the chaos.

Then 15 minutes later....Chuck E. arrives on the scene (as the previously noted employee is noticeably missing). He bounds out...the star of the show. The kids run to him....giving him High-5s and hugs. For a moment, this guy is the star...everyone wants to be around him Everyone has been waiting to see him. Everyone is disappointed to see him go.

Moments later, Chuck E.Cheese is gone. The dutiful employee re-enters....to a back log of requests. I wonder what is going on in his mind?